Unrendered
by The Cosmic Penguin
Summary: Scenes in the games that didn't go as planned. Starring multiple characters; mainly an idea sandbox of sorts.
1. Meta Knight VS Yin-Yarn (1)

WARNING: THIS FIC CONTAINS MASSIVE SPOILERS.

As a clarification: this is just a collection of short scene parodies or funny scenes from Kirby games (from the ones that I could actually afford to own...). There is not guaranteed to be any logic, non-OOCness, linearity, cover art (maybe I should use a Snooter!), or anything of the sort unless specified. Take this as a grain of salt from my normal fics (which are all humor/parody for my chaptered fics anyway). This does not have any guaranteed update status; I just needed a sandbox for my game-parody moments.

...yay for complex sentence wording!

**Game: Kirby's Epic Yarn**

* * *

Somewhere above the plains of Dream Land, Meta Knight was out flying the Halberd around.

Well, that's a bit of a lie. He had it in the air equivalent of 'park'. (Would that be 'hover'?) But it's easy for the readers to get the picture, so whatever. Meta Knight was hanging over the railing, letting the breeze blow past. There weren't many clouds in the sky that day so he had flown the ship above them just because he had the opportunity to be above the clouds yet not have his viewpoint blocked. It was really quite peaceful, and he would have fallen asleep—and therefore, fallen over the guardrail—if his sixth sense hadn't kicked in and woken him up. He turned around just in time for a piece of string to bind his right foot to the railing. Meta Knight glared up at the direction the attack had come from, even though he was wearing his mask and nobody could see him glaring.

A…yarn thing wearing a Mexican hat descended from the heavens, with two knitting needles attached to his shoulders. His body looked like a scrap of a Persian rug, he had a button nose and a mustache, and he was mostly orange or yellow. The two knitting needles had scowls on the tops, which confirmed the theory that lots of inanimate objects in Dream Land were somehow alive. The yarn thing sneered. "Hey there, short stuff. Mind if I take over your ship? Turn you into one of my servants?"

Meta Knight crossed his arms, trying to keep from losing his cool. "First, I'm not short. My sprite size in battle is about the same height as Kirby, and I think that you're only about twice his height, so what're you complaining about? I'm not freaking short. Second, I mind very much, thank you, and I'm going to escape and beat you."

"Oh no, you can't," cackled Yin-Yarn. "I know the designers made me a total loser in my boss fight, but I'm actually a force to be reckoned with! You think that just because you have a magical sword, you can beat me?"

"Actually, no. Not because of that." Meta Knight responded smugly.

"Really?" Yin-Yarn raised a knitting needle, which was probably the equivalent of raising an eyebrow. "Well then, what makes you awesomer than me? Tell me, lower servant!"

"I have a pair of scissors," Meta Knight chirped happily.

A pair of scissors appeared over his head as if he had just obtained them on an inventory screen. Yin-Yarn didn't look intimidated.

"Ha! Those aren't a pair of sewing scissors! Say your prayers, puffy!"

Meta Knight thought for a moment. Then he pulled up his item screen menu and added the word 'Sewing' in front of the Scissors, causing the Scissors to upgrade into some Sewing Scissors. Yin-Yarn looked less than thrilled.

"All right, you win. I'll be back!" he called as he flew off into the clouds that conveniently appeared above him.

Meta Knight watched him fly off before doing a short victory dance. "Yeah! It pays to hack the metadata!"

Then he noticed that the world below him was turned into yarn. He cautiously peered over the edge of the guardrail again.

"Hmmm…" He flinched. "Maybe I shouldn't have scared that guy off. Villains don't randomly appear without a link to a plot device…"

Suddenly, the rope he had forgotten about retied him to the guardrail again. Yin-Yarn descended from the sky again.

"Ha! See? I told you I'd be back, and I'm better than ever!"

The sorcerer cast a spell, and the Sewing Scissors were sealed in a heavy plastic container. Meta Knight reached for his sword, only to find out that it had been transformed into paper. He turned back up to Yin-Yarn and sighed.

"So, how is this cutscene supposed to go?"

The sorcerer looked very pleased at the chance to explain his evil plan to someone. "Oh, I'm supposed to teleport you to Patch Land. Then you'll battle Kirby and never appear again."

"Hm." Meta Knight paused. "Well, I'll consider the cameo. Bye!"

Meta Knight kicked his boots off, letting him escape from the rope. He jumped down from the balcony and locked himself in one of the Halberd's rooms to search for his flamethrower. Yin-Yarn was utterly ticked off.

"Grrrrrrrrrrrr…HAL! I need a do-over!"

Unfortunately, HAL gave him a do-over.


	2. Marx VS Target Game

Marx has no target of himself in _Kirby on the Draw_ in _Kirby Super Star Ultra_...

**Game: Kirby Super Star/Ultra**

* * *

"I want a target. Gimme a freakin' target of myself for your shooting game."

Green Kirby (who was decked out in his cowboy garb) had his feet propped up on one of the armrests of his chair. "Uhhhh…any reason why? Why should you get a target? I don't even think Meta Knight or Bandana Dee has targets in this game; why should you be any different?"

Marx would have puffed out his chest if he had one. "Because, sheriff, I was the final boss of Kirby Super Star, aka one of the greatest games ever made. Not only was I evil and deranged, I have lots of fangirls who think I'm a good guy and I'm awesome. I deserve a hell of a lot of credit for something like that, and I don't think you're giving it to me. If Kawasaki and Bonkers have targets, then I'll be damned if I can't have one."

Green Kirby sat up. "Okay. So you're saying that you deserve a target because you were the final boss of a game a lot of people liked and that your fangirls think you're good."

Marx raised an eyebrow. "Yeah. That's what I just said. You got it?"

"…you're completely freaking whacko."

"WHAT?! I AM FREAKING MARX, DAMNIT! YOU GIVE ME THAT TARGET OR ELSE!"

Green Kirby pulled out his cell phone. "HAL, 10-1-2 here. Get down here and explain to Marx that the small targets were supposed to be common enemies and that final bosses aren't recurring bosses-slash-minibosses that cameoed in the anime. His game is supposed to be over anyway; I'm suing you for letting him reoccur outside a minigame. Over."

* * *

...he does, however, appear as the final boss in _Kirby Brawlball_ in _Kirby: Mass Attack, _which was the pinball short version of Kirby Super Star/Ultra...


	3. Snooter Trap (Part 1)

**Game: Kirby &amp; the Amazing Mirror**

* * *

Kirby was dashing through Moonlight Mansion, avoiding as many residents as he could. He inhaled a Waddle Doo's attack (and its sandwich) because he needed a power-up and even though Beam was pretty much useless in Amazing Mirror, it was better than a power-up like Stone, which was downward-attacks only.

Downward-attacks only was not the best strategy to have in a horizontally-designed level.

Kirby was about to jump over a bookcase with a Snooter on top of it. He was sure that he wasn't going to get within its radius, so he figured he could take the jump a little close instead of floating over it.

The Snooter opened its big bottom lip and sucked Kirby into its mouth. Then it spit him back out against a wall. Kirby dropped his ability, lost a point of HP, and took stun damage.

As a matter of fact, he was so disoriented that he wandered back into firing range of the Waddle Doo whose attack (AND SANDWICH) he had inhaled and took yet another hit and took more stun damage.

Kirby started cursing at Meta Knight for ever getting involved in the Mirror World's affairs.

* * *

Any sympathy? For Kirby, that is; damn those Snooters...


	4. Gourmet Buffet

**Game: Kirby Super Star/Ultra**

* * *

King Dedede and Kirby were at the starting line for the first gourmet race. The luscious food had been spread out on the path in front of them. Ice cream sundaes, pretzels, practically any kind of fruit you could imagine, a few vegetables thrown in here and there, chocolate bars, soda, chips…the list went on. It was a mouthwatering array that was freshly picked from either the fields or the kitchen. It was absolutely delectable...

Kirby and King Dedede were standing behind the checkered line, as checkered backgrounds were of great importance to Kirby (SMB3/SM64? No, checkers were even closer to Kirby than Mario could ever hope to achieve! Maybe.). King Dedede had crouched down like a sprinter. Sweat was forming on his brow as he stared down the straight, open path with only a handful of slight obstacles. He was pretty fast in this minigame. He absolutely HAD to win this. It would at least put him ahead 30 points, so it would give him a nice lead over Kirby if he messed up somewhere along the line—not saying that he, the king, would ever mess up against Kirby. That was impossible.

Kirby, however, was staring straight ahead at the course. His eyes gave away nothing. He had a perfect poker face. King Dedede exchanged a wary glance with the Waddle Dee holding the magic sign and another suspicious package in his hand.

The Waddle Dee merely shrugged.

Dedede turned away and brushed it off. After all, this was a straight, easy course, right? There was no way anything could go wrong.

**_3…_**

"Three!"

King Dedede crouched down and stared ahead.

**_2…_**

"Two!"

He decided against this at the last moment and stood up.

**_1…_**

"One!"

He risked a glance at Kirby, who was grinning and about to open his mouth.

**START!**

"GO! GOGOGOOOO!"

King Dedede took off running, but before he had even moved a foot, he was struggling to avoid a huge vacuum suction from Kirby. Confetti from the party-popper was blowing in his eyes, so he didn't see _every single piece of food on the track_ disappearing into Kirby's mouth. The king moaned as he tried to regain his bearings, granting Kirby enough time to rub his stomach and lick his lips.

When Dedede opened his eyes and looked at the track, he was shocked. He turned toward Kirby, who was standing there with a blank expression again. He clenched his gloved fists.

"Why _you little puffball_…"

Kirby took off running at a speed that blew the king's mind.

Needless to say, Kirby won the first gourmet race with a perfect score.


	5. Meta Knight VS Yin-Yarn (2)

Yes, I WILL have some running gags. By the way, if there's any particular scene you want me to attempt to parodize, drop me a line...just, could you please make it one I've played? I listed them on my profile...

BY THE WAY, thanks for Renfira and Destiny for reviewing. I'd reply sooner, but holidays are late-reply city for Cos. It just happens. -sweatdrop-

**Game: Kirby's Epic Yarn**

* * *

Meta Knight was sitting out on the Halberd's deck, oblivious to the chaos that was happening to Dream Land below. The entire landscape—and even the denizens—were being turned into yarn, but nobody was around on the Halberd to notice it for him.

* * *

**SOMEWHERE ELSE IN DREAM LAND**

The Halberd crew was sitting in a tent in a deserted forest. Trident Knight, Ax Knight, and Mace Knight were playing poker while Javelin Knight was nowhere to be seen. The three members of the crew were gazing at each other warily, because every game had gone wrong from 'outside cheating'. 'Outside cheating' never had anything to do with cards; obviously, it was because of outside events. These ranged anywhere from spilling a drink on your opponent to rigging foam dart guns to shoot at them. Mace Knight thought Trident Knight was winning. Trident Knight thought Ax Knight was winning. Ax Knight thought that Mace Knight was winning. In reality, they would all be about equal if they played their cards out right. Mace Knight reached behind him for a string, ignoring that most of the cabin had become string and cloth as well.

"Hey Tri."

Trident Knight toward him as Mace Knight pulled the string.

…as for the rest of the events…that's…something better left to the readers to visualize. But needless to say, Trident Knight was not happy.

* * *

Meta Knight was leaning against the dangerously-thin railing so he could keep the sweet spot for his 3DSXL in range so he didn't have to turn the 3D off. He had been playing for far longer than what was considered to be healthy, but the game was so dang good. At first, he wasn't sure about what to think of it. He wasn't sure whether it would live up to the hype he'd psyched himself about. But it had delivered wonderfully, and he hadn't gotten past…well, he'd been playing for practically all the way since lunchtime, and it was almost dinnertime. He hadn't peeked ahead, so he didn't know how far he was into the game. He'd spent a lot of time just staring into the 3D title screen.

Meta Knight missed dodging an attack and Mario was left with 8 HP. The blue puffball paused. He really liked Luigi better, so he wouldn't feel as bad if Mario was KO'd. But he'd been trying to see how long he could go without a KO since he had played every other game in the series and had played them so many times that he probably could've been an expert in them. But then he figured he would get so nervous about dodging with low HP that he just wasted Luigi's turn healing Mario. Of course, it was Mario's turn right after that, but Meta Knight just used a team attack so that it didn't matter. He leaned a little closer so he could get the right finisher on what coincidentally happened to be the most basic of team attacks (a Red Shell).

A piece of yarn shot around his arms and feet and bound them. Fortunately, he had the wrist strap for the system (overkill?), so he didn't lose it. He did, however, miss making the final blow. Mario and Luigi gaped in shock, a similar reaction to how Meta Knight was feeling. He glared at Yin-Yarn as the yarn wizard closed the 3DSXL's lid.

"That was my first miss on team attacks since I started the game. And it's all your freakin' fault."

Yin-Yarn cackled. "But this cutscene is so much more interesting, don't you think?"

Meta Knight stared defiantly at the sky. "I don't think so. HAL, can I have a do-over for once?"

Unfortunately, HAL gave him a do-over.

Why was this unfortunate? Because this accidentally reset the progress on Meta Knight's current game. Fortunately, this was only from the last save point.

* * *

In case it was missed (which I'm sure it was)-the game Meta Knight was playing was 'Mario &amp; Luigi: Dream Team'. His thoughts on it were ironically similar to mine (but dang, it really IS good! It's good beyond my belief!).


	6. How 'Air Ride' Came to Be

A/N: I'd be lying if I said 'Everything I could say here has been said on my profile update', but I don't really have enough time (or energy) to explain everything here. I wouldn't even be giving you _this_ update if it hadn't been for the fact that I just tacked on two hundred words to this and dropped it in the FFN box. Sorry, but at least it'll be over on May 6. Until then, well...I wish I could be here to talk to everyone and PM and write and review like I used to. I'm sorry...

On a note for the actual game, they actually thought up the base idea for Air Ride. I know practically nobody's played Air Ride on here, but man...your life it just not complete without playing it. It's AMAZING.

**Game: Kirby: Air Ride**

* * *

"Hey Kirby, I have an idea to keep us busy while we wait for the Sealed Evil in a Can to be dropped onto Popstar every weekend! Wanna hear it?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"Technically yes, but for the story's sake, no."

"Fine then; what is it?"

"Let's create a racing game where we fly at almost-illegal speeds on partially-sentient aircrafts, most of which are built for specific instances! I could, of course, fly on my own two wings and therefore have the lowest HP in the game LIKE ALWAYS, but isn't it a great idea?"

Kirby paused the game. "Well, hm…lemme think…is there any battling involved?"

"We could do a coliseum…"

"Coliseum's too outdated…"

"So what're we gonna do it in, the city?"

"CAPITALIZE THAT, Meta Knight, we've just built another game mode!"

"What, the city?"

"City!"

"Yes, ci—City. What about the city?"

"We gather items in the city while beating the living tar out of each other and avoiding multiple events like gigantic meteors, while also fighting to see which one of us can pick out the crappiest machine! Then we compete in a random event that is only hinted at! To make it even MORE fun, we could make the event hint a lie occasionally! Sound fun?"

"Yeah!" Meta Knight punched the air. "To make it even better, we could make sure the machines look super funny too, like making one a purple metal eraser blob!"

"That thinking is the best, Meta Knight. And to think, I thought you were going to quit from the series."

"No, it's just that I'm only around when Sakurai's in charge, and the creator of the Dark Matter Trilogy just must not have liked me. For the sake of not having to replay cutscenes, let the audience pretend that there was a partially-lengthy cut break after the whole Revenge of Meta Knight thing—"

"Why were you getting revenge again?"

"I'm not gonna answer unless somebody else asks—but anyway, there was a cutscene that would go through a whole thing where everything was reset back to normal amongst us, except for Dedede, who owed me a bunch of candy."

"Didn't you owe HIM a bunch of candy?"

"Shut up, Kirby; why do you have to be like my annoying little brother?"

"If we're going with the Mario Bros thing, shouldn't YOU be the younger one?"

"That isn't age-relevant; it's personality relevant, but THE AUDIENCE DOESN'T HAVE TO KNOW ABOUT WHEN I SCREWED UP. Stop damaging my image."

"Your dialogue is getting REALLY boring; why don't we just move onto the coliseum?"

"City?"

"Yeah…city…"

"City, wasn't it?"

"CUT IT OUT!"

"Let's move on; we gotta think of another game mode…"

"What're we gonna do, ride on red and blue toy stars around miniature courses that we stole from Dedede's ancestral toy box?"

"GENIUS!"

"…yeah, that IS a pretty good idea. Awesome! Let's go, Meta Knight!"

"Just on the Warpstar?"

"Hey, what's wrong with that? We could use this as a machine; it has nice stats."

"Balanced stats…that's it; it could be the starter machine!"

"Okay, now you're just thinking too much like a video game character; get a life…"

"Kirby, I AM a video game character. That _is_ my life."

"Here, just have some of my takeout."

"Hey, this takeout bucket could be a machine, too! Where's my notebook?"

"Just make it pink!" Kirby shouted, hoping that his friend could still hear him over the noise of him rummaging through books. The pink puffball leaned against the wall, letting his face shift to a relaxed expression.

"Eh, I'll probably forget about all this in the morning and then he'll have to remind me," He murmured to himself.

"I'LL FIND IT EVENTUALLY; HANG ON!"


	7. Vanishing Object Syndrome

**Game: Anime, Hoshi no Kaabii**

A/N: While I was aiming this at being mainly game-verse, this opportunity was just too good to pass up.

* * *

Escargon was really flippin' confused.

Dedede had a huge amount of money, but somehow, nobody was ever sure where the hell the safe that held it all was. In episode 12 it had been in a big room on the same floor as the throne room. In episode 45, Dedede had looked for it in the dungeon, but the Waddle Dees had been hiding it in a cave. In episode 50, he seemed to have forgotten about his safe at the castle and instead created a whole new safe for his bank (which speaking of that bank, Escargon wondered, where did _it_ vanish to?!) He supposed money was really of no concern when you were far enough in debt, but seriously, they had a tax base; again, what the hell?!

WHERE DID THE MONEY GO?

One episode the safe was full. The next episode the king's claiming he's broke. And now that Escargon thought about it, how was his jewel collection reappearing and respawning as well? He didn't mind it respawning, but it seemed like he always had a new location for it and he never knew why himself! The king couldn't _possibly_ have bought the same jewel collection for him over and over again, so it HAD to be the animators.

"The animators need to keep better track of their random objects," Escargon muttered. "Heck, if an author did that, the critics would have their heads! Where's the quality control?"

In his anger, Escargon decided to punch the wall like every intelligent character does when they're angry. He figured the most that could happen would be that he'd just have the same, usual, average animation where the character shouts and grasps whatever body part they hit, with some of the more spoiled characters throwing a tantrum and/or crying for their parents. Instead, when his hand hit the seemingly solid castle wall, it spun around and he fell through it.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Seems the animators HADN'T forgotten about their running gags, after all…

* * *

The rotating wall is from, uh, episode 21 I believe; isn't it the episode with the princess?


End file.
